Renata Returns.

My Zumba teaching wetdream, Renata, returned tonight, the ethereal being even delaying her grand entrance to stop and ask me the whereabouts of the loo. (At first, I feared she'd caught wind [heh, heh - 'wind'] of the vicious rumours that I need to pee every 5 seconds and therefore know the location of every toilet in every building [which I will neither confirm, nor deny], but I quickly realised, with utmost certainty, that it is because I am the chosen one. [I knew I'd join you in the ranks someday, Buffy]).

With lines like, "What, are we in church? I said, 'Are we READY?!!!'" (met, of course, with a roar in the affirmative from the drooling crowd) and "Are we getting warm? Would you even say.. we're getting HOT? Or is that just a constant state of being?", Renata is truly a woman after my own heart. Who else would have the delightful confidence to turn around mid-song and shake her shapely booty in our faces, or make us so comfortable as to follow her lead in an imaginary bull ride, our imaginary lassos / cowboy hats swinging in pursuit?
To this day, Renata is the only person who has told me to put a smile on my sour face and actually been graced with one, instead of my usual response of a knife to the eye (which I am undoubtedly always wielding on such occasions. ['On', or for? You decide]).

Some fool even had the audacity to approach my beloved mentor tonight, mid-routine, and inform her that a shoelace had come undone. Renny (I figure we're buds, so that's her nickname, now) nodded in acknowledgement, waiting for the song to finish before instructing the dimwit, "I was a professional dancer. If there's ever a wardrobe malfunction, even if your boobs are hanging out, you never stop to adjust it." Right on, Ren (it's getting shorter with our ever growing friendship), you tell that sucker. No one corrects the Ren! She is never at fault!

I sadly learned that this was the last session with our darling substitute, being that our skinny, cheesy Minnie Mouse returns from whatever dreamworld she's been living in, next week. I managed to muster the courage I'd lacked at our last encounter (though I was gushing like the lamest girl in the school [how I would be able to relate to such a character, I have no idea *Looks away. Starts scrawling in diary, fondly entitled "Theories as to Why Nobody Likes Me"*] approaching the most popular boy) to tell Old Ren (we've been friends for such a long time, now, we're pretty 'old' mates) that I've really enjoyed her classes and hope to see her again (for drinks, alone.. No! What? Dance class. Yes..). In my nervousness, however, I somehow adopted a Southern accent, so now I kinda hope I don't see her again, since I don't know how I'm gonna keep that up. Oh, god - what wicked web have I begun to weave? What if she looks up my name in the membership files (and why wouldn't she) and is disgusted to discover it doesn't match my accent?! I should change it to Ella Mae, just to be safe. Living the double life will be worth it, if it means living in the light of her heart.

But, that will be my problem to deal with. For now, I'll go, and let you all sleep (even though it's bedtime as I write, I assume that at whatever time you read this, you will be so satisfied by my meaty story that you'll be partial to a nap, as after a hearty meal. At least, that's how we do it in Texas). Bye, y'all!