This is written in the space of 5 minutes, Jack Kerouac style (except, I'm fuelled by the speed and exhilaration of life, rather than a whole bunch of drugs), so pardon the French. Normally, I think swearing's fucked.
Right.
It all began at breakfast, as days are wont to do. The cafe was flat-chat the moment we opened the door. A moronic ho nevertheless ordered a cooked breakfast evidently before whisking a child (who seemed too old to be her own, so I'll fairly assume it was the daughter of the older, married man she must be banging) off to school. In the thick of the fray, the woman mentioned she was in a hurry, and that the 10 minutes I subsequently told her the breakfast would take, simply wouldn't do. Well, it must've been her bless'd butt's lucky day, cos I worked a miracle and served her sooner. But, for future reference, woman, in my experience, 10 minutes for breakfast isn't very shabby! Maybe next time, order toast, with a side of get fucked (in another cafe).
Next up, the Muffin Man.... I've got this damn take-away muffin I've swiftly zapped up that I'm trying to unload, right? I called out to everyone in sight and, suspecting it belonged to a particular real estate darling (aren't they just the nicest?!!) I called out to him and his buddy several times, then approached the friend (as the man in question angled his arse at me instead of his face, though it's hard to tell the two apart) and asked, "Did you or he order a muffin?" A definite no in response. And YET, 5 minutes later, arse face waltzes into my world and requests his muffin. I told him where to find it (on the bench, not up his butt, though I was tempted) and explained that I'd called out to him repeatedly and had even approached him, ensuring he acknowledged his idiocy! I know these jerks ignore me on purpose. I'm sure even my boss would've reacted the same. There's only so much guff you can take.
As the hits kept comin, I was losing patience throughout the day, and when an elderly lady laughed at the lunch I brought her, I lost my shit and actually asked, "What's so funny?" She explained that she was merely surprised at the size of the meal and didn't think she could get through it. Oh.. That's alright, then. Ahem. I made the gesture of slitting my throat, though, just so she knew not to try her laughing shit on me again. [To any colleagues reading this, I may have exaggerated this scene for entertainment purposes, so.. Let's not get me fired, eh?]
My goddamn nails which I'm trying to grow kept snapping off today for some reason, too, and I had to keep stopping what I was doing just to file them so they didn't catch on shit. And my $5 earrings (surprisingly) irritated the shit out of my ear lobes, but I kept shoving them the fuck in and telling my ears to take it like men.
Then, to cap off a perfect day, I was called into the boss's office for a meeting! This just entailed a lovely pep talk though and a wee pay rise. Aw... That was nice. Yeah, nah, that was good actually, yeah.
By the end of my shift, I was so wrecked that I flicked over into a state of delirium and was affected by uncontrollable giggling, which was kiind of funny. I had to be careful not to laugh in customers faces as they came in, though.
In a word, I think I can summarise the day with a simple, "ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!" And I'll give you a hint - that wasn't a cry of lust.
Now, to go party with friends, who shall absorb the remainder of my rage. I'm sure they've done something to deserve it along the line. If not, I can always blame PMT, which it's safe to say that I have. Because I do. Thanks for reading about it, and being among my day's victims. Muhahahahaaa!!!
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